Ever wondered what it would take to get Osama bin Laden to stop attacking the U.S.? A new book published today called Messages to the World: The Statements of Osama bin Laden has the answers. It’s a compendium of all of his messages — in his own words (translated, of course) — from 1994-2004.

According to the Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald:

Osama bin Laden wants the United States to convert to Islam, ditch its constitution, abolish banks, jail homosexuals, bar women from appearing in the press and sign the Kyoto climate change treaty.

. . . Bin Laden’s terms for America’s surrender appeared after the September 2001 suicide attacks. Alcoholic drink and gambling would be barred and there would be an end to women’s photos in newspapers or advertising. Any woman serving “passengers, visitors and strangers” would also be out of a job. The West must “stop your oppression, lies, immorality and debauchery that has spread among you” and has become the “worst civilisation witnessed in the history of mankind”.

. . . In the book the terrorist responsible for killing 3000 civilians in September 2001 says that killing the innocent is wrong.

There’s something here for everyone. Liberals can make jokes about how Bin Laden sounds like conservatives with his fascist social policy. And conservatives can joke about how he sounds like left-wing environmentalists because he wants the U.S. to sign the Kyoto accord.

But once we get beyond the levity, it would be good for us to remember that when it comes to a terrorist like this guy, we’re really all on the same team regardless of our political persuasion. Even though we disagree on social and economic policy, we do so with words and reasoned argument. He seeks to persuade with mass murder and fear. And there’s nothing funny about that.