Ever heard of those stories where a person buys a single new piece of furniture and then ends up redecorating the whole house around it? That’s kind of like what the Peoria Civic Center is doing these days.

First, it was critical that they expand — there are too many conventions they have to simply turn away because they’re not big enough, we are told. If the Civic Center is going to be viable, it must add more exhibition and meeting space. $55 million later, the expansion is well underway.

But wait! That’s not enough. Now we’re told that the $55 million expansion will be “all for naught” if they can’t get an attached hotel, too. You see, these big convention-goers want to stay close enough that they never have to walk outside and brave the elements. That’s so much of an expectation these days that if we lack this amenity, “the Peoria Civic Center’s expansion and operating performance will be at risk.” So a $33 million, 250-room, full-service hotel with 21,000 square feet of additional meeting space has been proposed.

But wait! According to the report from HVS International (3.5M PDF), the site for a hotel adjacent to the Civic Center has a fatal flaw: “The limited amount of convenient on-site parking presents a key disadvantage.” Later in the report, they flesh out the implications of that:

Development cost calculations include a cost-free land lease and City-provided parking. These added incentives are necessary in order to encourage a developer to build a Civic Center Hotel.

I’ve joked about this before, but I’m afraid I was unwittingly prophetic. It looks like the next “critical” thing the Civic Center Authority is going to be requesting of the city, if the hotel proposal moves forward, is more parking — probably a parking deck.

Don’t you just love how, whenever it’s a downtown project, it’s just assumed that the city’s job is to provide parking for everyone? I mean, that’s an essential service, right? That’s why we pay taxes, isn’t it: for police protection, fire protection, and downtown parking? (I’m being facetious, of course.)

Ironically, there used to be a hotel on the Civic Center site. Local magazine “Arts Alive” made a passing reference to it in its 2002 article celebrating 20 years of the Civic Center: “The implosion of the Jefferson Hotel in 1978 was the official start to transforming the idea [of building a Civic Center] into reality….” The Jefferson Hotel was a luxurious, first-class hotel that sat at the corner of Jefferson and Fulton, across the street from “Civic Center Plaza” (formerly known as the Jefferson Building) where WMBD radio’s studios are located now.

Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that there’s not enough entertainment surrounding the new Civic Center hotel for convention-goers to enjoy at night, and they’ll want to rebuild the Palace and Rialto theaters, with their own city-provided parking decks, of course.