On the stage of history, it takes tremendous achievement to be considered “remarkable.” Abraham Lincoln (preserved the union), Martin Luther King Jr. (fought segregation), Orville and Wilbur Wright (first in flight), Theodore Roosevelt (what didn’t he do?) — these are just a few truly remarkable men.

But here in Peoria, you can be “remarkable” by simply taking your child to school. One day. And it doesn’t even have to be your child, actually. Here’s the Journal Star’s explanation:

Peoria School District 150 is trying to get men involved in the education of the district’s students. It is launching an initiative called “1,000 Remarkable Guys,” in which men accompany children to school on Aug. 27, the first day back at classes.

“Remarkable” means “notably or conspicuously unusual; extraordinary” and “worthy of notice or attention.” So, evidently (and regrettably), adult male involvement in children’s education is so “conspicuously unusual” that the mere act of walking a child into the general vicinity of a classroom is now “worthy of notice or attention.”

They’re not asking these guys to help with homework, or to stay with the mother of their child, or to be a good role model in general, or any of the things that would have a real impact on these kids’ education. They’re simply asking some adult male relative to take the child to school the first day of classes. I find that neither remarkable nor effective.

Perhaps it would be better to emulate a program like this one in Baltimore, Maryland:

Here are some things the high school seniors have done:

At the beginning of the school year, they sponsored a “Teacher Appreciation” banquet. During Thanksgiving and Christmas, they fed hundreds of families and distributed donated gifts to area children. They mentor students at Windsor Mill Middle School to help them prepare for the transition to high school. They tutor each other and others who need help at school.

During a six-week leadership camp last summer, they painted bathroom stalls at the school, planted a garden at the building’s entrance, got pest control with the help of experts, plastered encouraging posters along the hallways and invested in combination locks for every locker so students could use them for storage.

Now that’s remarkable.